Defining sexuality and gender identity is a significant experience, particularly for members of the LGBTQ* community. In recent years, the traditional term “Coming Out” has shifted towards “Inviting In,” which emphasizes sharing your true self, and inviting people into a part of your life that should be protected and celebrated.
National Coming Out Day, celebrated on October 11th, is a key moment to affirm sexuality and gender identity and encourage allies to actively support LGBTQ* people. This combination of Coming Out and Inviting In helps create a welcoming and inclusive environment.
What is Coming Out and Inviting In?
Traditionally, Coming Out has described the process of an LGBTQ* person revealing their sexual orientation and/or gender identity. It is a significant personal choice that reclaims your right to live in your identity publicly.
Inviting In is another way of looking at Coming Out. It reframes this moment as an opportunity for LGBTQ* people to share a significant aspect of their lives on their own terms.
Inviting In gives LGBTQ* individuals the power and choice to choose who they want to share their sexuality or gender identity with. It’s considered a more inclusive approach that recognizes the ongoing challenges posed by homophobia and transphobia that can make it difficult for LBGTQ* people to be open and honest about their identities.
Tips for Coming Out and Inviting In
Whether you think of it as coming out or inviting someone in, the process is unique for each person. It’s a brave step in being true to yourself, so acknowledge the courage it takes to share your truth.
Here are some tips to help navigate these important conversations with confidence:
- Start at your own pace: You don’t have to reveal your identity to everyone at once. Begin where you feel safest—perhaps with close friends or a supportive family member. It’s important to communicate any boundaries you have regarding who else should know and how you expect the information to be treated to set expectations and ensure your privacy is respected.
- Build a support network: Surround yourself with friends and allies who affirm and support you, which can provide a buffer against potential negative reactions. Many organizations and mentors are available to guide you through this process. Engaging with groups like PFLAG can offer additional support for you and your loved ones.
- Communicate positively: Set the tone for how you choose to discuss your identity. Approach these conversations with positivity to help others respond kindly and respectfully.
- Be patient, but firm: Understand that some people might need time to adjust to your news. Not everyone may react positively or understand immediately. Prepare yourself emotionally for a range of reactions, and remember that their initial reaction isn’t necessarily an indicator of your future relationship. However, remain firm in your identity and the terms you use to define yourself.
- Educate your circle: Encourage friends and family to learn more about LGBTQ* experiences and issues so they can more easily become supportive allies.
How to Be an Ally on National Coming Out Day and Beyond
Supporting the LGBTQ* community goes beyond a single day of acknowledgment. Here’s how you can be an effective ally on National Coming Out Day and continue your support throughout the year:
- Educate yourself: Learn about the diverse experiences within the LGBTQ* community to better understand the challenges and triumphs your friends might face. Dive into resources such as books, documentaries, and articles focused on LGBTQ* history and personal stories to gain a deeper appreciation for the complexities and nuances of LGBTQ* lives.
- Practice active listening: Be present and attentive when someone shares their identity with you. Show empathy and respect for their experiences, even if they differ from your own. To practice active listening, maintain eye contact, ask thoughtful questions that show genuine interest, and avoid inserting your own experiences unless they are directly relevant and supportive of the conversation.
- Offer your support: Let them know you appreciate their trust in sharing something so personal and that you support them unconditionally. Express this through actions and small gestures like checking in on them, listening actively without judgment and affirming their feelings, which can reinforce your support and make them feel more secure.
- Advocate for inclusivity: Use your voice to support LGBTQ* rights and promote inclusivity in your community, workplace, friend group, family or school. You can do this by challenging homophobic or transphobic remarks, participating in or organizing educational sessions to raise awareness, and supporting or initiating policies that protect LGBTQ* rights. This type of support builds a welcoming community while also setting an example for others to follow.
The Stony Brook LGBTQ* Care Committee is dedicated to addressing and supporting the unique needs of LGBTQ* patients, faculty, staff and students. Comprising a diverse group of healthcare providers, educators and administrative professionals, the committee champions culturally sensitive care and community engagement. By participating in this committee, members can contribute to a more inclusive environment and help shape policies that affirm and protect LGBTQ* individuals.
*We support all sexual orientations and gender identities.
